Frequently Asked Questions
Getting Started with Couples Therapy
Do you offer in-person or online therapy?
Sessions are offered both in-person and online using a HIPAA-secure video platform. Weekend intensives are held in-person in historic Williamsburg, VA. For more on Williamsburg, click here.
What happens in a couples therapy session?
Couples therapy with me is active and focused. I guide the conversation, teach practical concepts, and help you understand what's really happening between you. You'll both have space to share, but we won't stay stuck in circular conversations. We practice new ways of communicating, work through real-life issues, and build skills that carry over into your daily life. Each session builds on the last so you're moving forward, not rehashing the same ground.
Do you meet with us together or individually?
I prefer to meet with both partners together as much as possible. There are times I may meet individually if something needs more focused attention, but the goal is for both of you to hear, understand, and grow through the process together. We can adjust as needed based on what's most helpful for your situation.
Will I be forced to talk about things I'm not ready for?
No. Therapy is voluntary, and you always have the right to pass. I respect your pace while still encouraging growth and honesty. Most people find they open up more naturally once they feel understood.
Fees, Insurance, and Payment
How much does couples therapy cost?
Rates are listed here. I am in-network with most commercial insurance plans. I do not accept Tricare, Medicare, or Medicaid. If you're unsure about your coverage, review your insurance plan. I will verify benefits and provide all cost information before the first appointment.
How does insurance work for couples therapy?
Insurance requires a mental health diagnosis and documented medical necessity. This means one partner is the "identified patient", and all billing to the insurer - and records - are in their name. Relationship stress often shows up as anxiety, depression, or trauma-related symptoms, which are billable conditions. If this feels confusing, I can help you understand how it would apply in your situation and help you decide if you want to utilize insurance benefits or choose a private pay option for added confidentiality.
What forms of payment do you accept?
I accept credit cards, debit cards, HSA cards, and cash for in-person sessions. Payment plans are available for intensives when booked well in advance.
How Long Therapy Takes & What Results Look Like
How long does couples therapy take?
The number of sessions depends on several factors: the severity of the issues, the mental health of both partners, and the willingness of the partners to receive and implement feedback. Many who are open to feedback and willing to make changes see meaningful progress in 6-8 sessions. Others need more time, especially if patterns have been in place for years. Intensives can help accelerate the process.
If you're ready to do the work, progress tends to happen faster than you might expect.
What happens if we don't get help?
If you don’t address what’s happening, the pattern usually continues. You might have stretches where things feel fine—even good. But then something sets it off again, and you’re right back in the same conversation, with the same frustration, and no real resolution. Over time, that takes a toll. You start to feel less connected. Less understood. Sometimes more like roommates than partners. The issues don’t disappear—they just get managed, avoided, or repeated. And if the relationship eventually ends, it’s rarely simple or easy. It can be emotionally and financially devastating, and far more disruptive than dealing with the problems now.
If something in you is saying it's time to deal with it, that instinct is usually right. Schedule a call here.
When The Relationship Feels Uncertain
Is it too late to save our marriage?
Only the two of you can answer that question. When there is a willingness, emotional growth, and commitment, relationships can be rebuilt. I'm honest about what I see and whether change is likely based on how both partners engage. If you're still asking the question, there's usually something worth exploring.
What if my partner won't go to therapy?
Start with individual therapy. You can't control your partner, but you can strengthen your own clarity, boundaries, and emotional regulation. Often, when one person begins to change, the dynamic shifts. You don't have to wait for them to get started.
What if one of us is more committed than the other?
That's common. One partner is usually more vocal about being unhappy, while the other is more passive. If both people aren't willing to engage, that's important information. You can't ignore it but you can decide how you want to respond to it. This is something we can sort through together.
What if I'm not sure I want to stay in my relationship?
Discernment counseling is designed for this purpose. "Leaning out" is more common than people want to admit. You may be tired of trying and wonder if you're just wasting your time. Individual therapy or discernment counseling can help you gain clarity about the true "why" behind your feelings, consider all options, evaluate the potential ramifications of your choices (both positive and negative,) and make decisions grounded in wisdom - not emotion. Not what friends or family say you should do. Not out of anger. Not to satisfy your church. Thinking about leaving is a symptom. Let's talk about how serious it is and what it's telling you.
What if my partner wants to leave me?
First, I'm sorry. That’s a painful place to be. Sometimes one partner comes to therapy already planning to leave. As hard as it is, you can’t force someone to stay—and therapy isn’t about trying to convince them to. What we can do is help you slow this down and think clearly.
You’ll have space to understand what’s happening, decide how you want to respond, and make thoughtful, informed decisions about what comes next. That includes how you want to show up in the relationship right now—and how to move forward with respect for yourself, for each other, and for everyone whose lives will be impacted.
Getting Real About Couples Therapy
Will therapy make things worse?
That is a very common fear and it may feel more intense at first because you are addressing the issues. You aren't "creating problems" - you're finally working through what's already there! But, you're doing so with structure, support, and expert guidance to keep it productive. Most couples feel relief once they get things out in the open, start making sense of what's been happening, and learn new skills and perspectives.
Will couples therapy end up in separation or divorce?
If you’ve been disconnected, avoiding hard conversations, or walking on eggshells, opening things up can feel risky. And it is. But you’re already at risk. Therapy doesn’t create problems—it brings them into the open so you can deal with them. For some couples, that leads to repair. For others, it brings clarity. Avoiding it won’t protect the relationship. It just keeps you stuck. Facing it is your best chance at changing what happens next.
Will the therapist take sides?
I take the side of the relationship. If something is harming it, I will address it - directly and respectfully. That clarity is often what helps things finally move forward. This may go two ways, for example, helping one person understand and respect personal boundaries while supporting the other in maintaining them. Other times, it means addressing behaviors that are damaging the relationship and creating a space where their impact can be heard—safely and clearly. The goal isn’t to side with a person. It’s to help the relationship function in a healthier way.
Is couples therapy confidential?
I use discretion and professional judgment, but I cannot guarantee full confidentiality between partners if I meet with you separately. If something significant comes up, I will guide you toward addressing it together.
The goal is always honesty that supports the relationship, not secrecy that undermines it.
Will you tell us to get divorced?
I No. That decision belongs to you. I will be honest about what I see and what’s likely to happen if patterns don’t change, but I believe people and relationships can grow when there is willingness. If you’re unsure what’s possible, we can take a closer look together.
My Approach to Couples Therapy
How is your approach different from other therapists?
I’m direct, engaged, and focused on change. I don’t sit back and observe while you repeat the same arguments. I help you identify patterns in real time, challenge what isn’t working, and guide you through a structured process that leads to real progress. If you’re looking for more than just a place to vent, this approach tends to resonate.
Do you agree that it takes two (to cause problems in a relationship?)
No. I believe that is a myth. It takes two people to build a healthy relationship, but one person can cause significant damage through selfishness, avoidance, or harmful behavior. That reality matters when you’re deciding what to do next. Understanding this can change how you approach the work.
Do you agree that relationships are 50/50?
Healthy relationships aren’t about splitting effort down the middle. They work best when both people take full responsibility for the health of the relationship (100/100,) even though how that plays out day-to-day may look different. That shift alone can be a turning point for many couples.
Faith in Therapy
Can we talk about faith in therapy?
Yes. If your faith is important to you, you’re welcome to bring it into the work. I’m a Christian and very comfortable incorporating that perspective when requested, and I respect and work with people from a wide range of beliefs. If this matters to you, you won’t have to leave it at the door. Please tell me it's important to you!
Men and Women in Couples Therapy
Is couples therapy better for women or men?
Sometimes men wonder if therapy is “more of a woman’s thing” or worry they’ll be outnumbered, blamed or expected to be less masculine. That's not the goal and it's not how I work. While gender can influence how someone views the world and how they were shaped growing up, couple's therapy is about helping two people learn how to relate to each other in a way that feels steady, respectful, connected, and loving. Regardless of gender, everyone has something to learn about themselves and their relationships.
Should I choose a male or female couples counselor?
You should choose a therapist based on specialization, training, experience, and rapport. A strong connection and feeling of interpersonal safety is the secret to opening up, being vulnerable, receiving feedback, and growing individually - and with your partner. While women are often perceived as being more empathetic and men more solutions-oriented, we're all traditionally trained as therapists and bring our own personalities, specializations, and perspectives into the therapy room. Choose someone based on their knowledge, skill, and ability to work with you effectively. You'll know when it's right pretty quickly.
Seniors in Couples Therapy
Are we too old for marriage counseling?
Never. Every day is a gift and a new opportunity to give and receive love. And the older we get, the less chances we have to reconcile, seek forgiveness, make up for wrongdoings, and go out without regrets. You don't want to waste any time feeling discontent, angry, or disconnected whether you're 55- or 85-years-old. And if you've become a "grumpy old man (or woman," that's all the more reason to get to therapy. So you can leave this world with people missing you and truly celebrating your life, not feeling relieved that you're gone.