When Your Relationship is Emotionally Exhausting and You Don't Know What to Do NEXT
But You Can't Keep Doing This.
I am a couples therapist who helps partners
who feel lost and uncertain
to find a clear, direct path forward.
So you can finally enjoy walks and talks in the park again.
✔️ Unresolved conflicts
✔️ Resentment
✔️ Distance & disconnection
✔️ Tension. Arguing.
Couples Therapy,
individual relationship therapy,
And
couples Weekend Intensives
Direct. Focused. Effective.
Specialized intervention for struggling relationships
Feeling numb? Despite all the trying. This is the right place for you if:
✔️You've made many attempts to improve your relationship.
✔️You've tried having talks.
✔️You made small asks. They were mostly ignored.
✔️You complained. But complaining created more tension.
✔️You scheduled times to have serious talks. No change.
✔️You cried. And cried. And cried.
✔️You became withdrawn.
✔️You yelled. Lost it. Thought you were going crazy.
✔️Now you are spent. Exhausted.
✔️You can't keep doing this anymore.
❔Really, why would you want to...
Don't keep trying on your own. Talk with a specialist.
18 years experience.
Here's what I do differently.
By being highly interactive, direct and honest, quickly highlighting the patterns, tones, attitudes and behaviors that are negatively impacting the relationship as they play out in real-time in front of me, I guide motivated people through a change process.
I've always believed that shying away from telling couples the truth only allows the dysfunction to continue. I am kind and thoughtful, yet I draw attention to words, tones, attitudes, body language, and intentions that are driving a wedge between them and those they love.
I join with you in replacing toxicity with mature adult relational skills that you didn't learn in school or growing up.
Because I believe we are all capable of being effective partners when we know what to do differently, are willing to do it, and have a safe place to try it out.
The bottom line is, most of us want to make it work!
We genuinely try to talk through the issues. The problem is, when we are in the muck, we are too close to the situation to see it clearly.
We get stuck in patterns. Messy cycles.
With years of practice and genuine compassion, I tell people directly what I am hearing and observing as we interact in sessions.
Sometimes people ask about bias. There's no bias when the focus is on the relationship itself. Working with one partner more than another may be necessary - not to "pick" on someone but to help them see what is outside of their awareness.
I want to see people succeed in relationships so I point out what may be happening based on what I've learned about your life story.
I point out how and where patterns are repeating, what they are costing the client, and I teach people explicitly how to step into a new way of being and communicating so they can feel and experience love.
(And, in case you were wondering, my theoretical orientations are Relational Life Therapy by Terry Real and The Developmental Model of Couples Therapy by Ellyn Bader. I am grateful for their collective wisdom. More about those on the About page.)
When individuals are growing and developing, relationships grow!
This is not the right place for you if
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You are in a physically violent relationship or there is psychological intimidation or threats of physical harm.
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You or your partner have untreated substance use issues.
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You or your partner have untreated severe psychiatric mental health issues.
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You and/or your partner are actively engaging in affairs. (e.g., No polyamorous relationships - that's for another therapist!)
If you meet one of these criteria, please seek out the appropriate assistance through the national domestic violence hotline, substance abuse specialists, psychiatry, and specialists in poly relationships.
Doing nothing isn't an option
because there is
so much to lose.
There's no violence. It isn't always bad. You're both good people. Sometimes everything seems fine but then it happens again.
Conflict starts, the "conversation" goes around in circles, and there doesn't seem to be any resolution. Again.
It's exhausting and stealing your time, peace, and energy. You feel like running away. But where would you go? And then what? Leave everything? Everything you've worked so hard for? Everything familiar. Leave all of the hopes, dreams, and plans for the future? Your home? How would leaving impact the kids? Extended family? Friends (they will take sides?) And who gets the dog?
Everything would be split. Fairly? Yeah, right.
The lawyers would be the ones winning. Retainer fees. Charges for every email and call, filing after filing, parenting fitness evaluations, custody, division of property, visitation and shared holiday schedules. Oh my. Why?
There is so much at stake as every distressed couple is keenly aware of.
Client Stories
When a Marriage Feels Over — But No One Has Filed for Divorce When Maris came to couples therapy with her husband, Callum, she didn’t hesitate. “I don’t consider us married anymore,” she said. She had moved out of their bedroom. She planned to live in a separate area of the house and asked that they simply “coexist with courtesy.” “Why get a divorce at this point in our lives?” she added. “No one else needs to know.” She was emotionally done. Callum sat beside her, quiet and guarded. When invited to respond, he said only that he didn’t like it and wished she wouldn’t do this. But he seemed disconnected from the depth of her pain — and from how far apart they had drifted. The Pattern Beneath the Crisis Like many couples in long-term relationships, they weren’t fighting loudly. They were stuck in something more subtle — and more damaging. Over time, their roles had shifted: Maris became increasingly decisive and over-responsible. Callum gradually deferred and stopped taking initiative. She felt alone and resentful. He felt unnecessary and quietly disrespected. The more she over-functioned, the more he under-functioned. The more he withdrew, the more she controlled. What looked like indifference was actually discouragement. What looked like strength was actually exhaustion. This is a common power imbalance in marriage — and it erodes respect on both sides. Rebuilding Respect in Marriage In our work together, we slowed the pattern down. Callum learned how to step forward — initiating difficult conversations with calm steadiness instead of retreating. Maris learned how to step back — softening control and allowing partnership instead of carrying everything herself. This wasn’t about blame. It was about responsibility. With practice, they built a new dynamic based on: Mutual respect Honest dialogue Shared decision-making Real-time feedback Over time, resentment softened. Connection returned. “I love you” came back. “So did, “Are you coming to bed?” For Couples Who Feel Emotionally Done If you are emotionally exhausted in your marriage… If you’re living more like roommates than partners… If one of you feels like the pursuer and the other feels shut down… Couples therapy can help you understand the pattern beneath the conflict — and decide intentionally what happens next. You don’t have to quietly coexist.
When the Happy Couple Next Door is Quietly Crumbling Todd and Jill looked like a solid couple. They were respected in the community. They showed up to their kids’ ballgames. They hosted neighborhood dinners and lively game nights. They were at church every Sunday. From the outside, their marriage looked steady. But when the guests left and the house grew quiet, the tone changed. “Did you have to talk about work all night?” “No one else seemed to mind.” “I thought the lasagna was a little dry.” “Maybe if I weren’t cooking, setting the table, finding your keys, and managing the kids alone…” The sharp comments landed. Defensiveness followed. Then distance. They slept back-to-back more often than not. Sometimes one would initiate sex — and the other would comply, not out of desire, but to avoid conflict. The next day, they returned to smiles, schedules, errands, sarcasm, tension, temporary calm… and then another round of criticism. This cycle repeated for years. The Hidden Pattern in High-Functioning Marriages Todd and Jill weren’t explosive. They were exhausted. They had fallen into a familiar pattern seen in many long-term marriages: Public harmony, private hostility Productivity instead of connection Criticism instead of vulnerability Compliance instead of intimacy Over time, they realized something unsettling: They spent less real time together. They had fewer meaningful conversations. Emotional intimacy had quietly disappeared. They wondered if the couple they once were was gone for good. Rebuilding Emotional Intimacy in Marriage In couples therapy, we didn’t focus on surface arguments. We focused on the relational pattern beneath them. I helped them see what respect, patience, and kindness actually look like in daily interactions — not as ideals, but as behaviors. When criticism showed up in session, we named it. When defensiveness surfaced, we slowed it down. When one partner tolerated hurtful behavior and then retaliated passively, we addressed it directly. Both were challenged. Both were supported. Over time, Todd and Jill began to: Replace sarcasm with direct communication Interrupt escalating arguments early Express appreciation intentionally Hold each other accountable for “the old ways” They created a shared agreement: when the pattern reappeared, they would name it — without punishment. Gradually, trust rebuilt. Respect returned. Connection deepened. And love — the steady kind, not the performative kind — began to grow again. For Couples Who Look Fine on the Outside If your marriage appears stable but feels distant… If the conflict is subtle but constant… If intimacy has been replaced with routine… You don’t have to settle for coexistence. Marriage counseling can help you identify the destructive pattern beneath the daily friction — and create a relationship built on emotional safety, respect, and genuine connection.
When You Keep Choosing the Wrong Partner Tabitha started dating at fifteen. Her first love felt epic — intense, consuming, forever. She imagined marriage. Until he cheated and married someone else. Years later, she met another man who gave her that same electric rush. The early weeks were fast and frenzied — constant texting, long nights together, urgency, intensity. It felt like love. They moved in together. They had fun. They built a life. But Tabitha wanted marriage. He wasn’t particularly interested in labels or legal commitments. “Why does it matter?” he would ask. Eventually, worn down by her tears and fear of losing her, he agreed. “Fine. Let’s get married.” And they did. Less than a decade later, they divorced. The Pattern Beneath the Heartbreak It wasn’t that Tabitha chose “bad men.” They were decent. Kind, even. But they didn’t share her values, long-term vision, or emotional depth. What she began to see in therapy was this: She equated intensity with intimacy. She rushed commitment out of fear. She worked far harder than her partners to hold the relationship together. She ignored misalignment because she didn’t trust herself to find better. When relationships ended, she didn’t pause. Being alone felt unbearable. So she jumped back into dating — chasing attention, chemistry, and the temporary high of feeling wanted. Then came the crash. Again. She started calling herself needy. She wondered why she “couldn’t keep a man.” She tried 300% harder. But effort cannot manufacture shared values. Healing Insecure Attachment and Love Addiction In our work together, Tabitha identified a pattern of insecure attachment and love addiction — mistaking urgency for love and fear for compatibility. We slowed everything down. She learned to: Tolerate being alone Date without rushing Evaluate character instead of chemistry Trust her instincts Separate desire from alignment For the first time in her adult life, she remained single — intentionally. She joined a gym. Practiced Tai Chi. Attended women’s Bible study. Studied law. Traveled to eight countries with a solo women’s group. It wasn’t the life she had pictured at fifteen. But it was grounded. Whole. Self-directed. And the last I heard, deeply satisfying. For Women Who Feel Addicted to Intensity If you: Fall hard and fast Feel anxious when someone pulls away Stay in relationships that don’t truly fit Work harder than your partner to make it succeed You may not have a “relationship problem.” You may have an attachment pattern that needs healing. Relationship therapy can help you slow down, build self-trust, and choose from strength instead of fear.
Here is What Happens When You Work With Me
1. I will conduct an initial pre-screening consultation with you and your partner if they are also participating. This is a time for brief introductions, making sure we are the right fit for each other, and initial information gathering.
2. Together, we will determine the proper level of care.
➡️The lowest point of entry is group couples therapy: A weekly online meeting of personally vetted couples (group size limited) who are able to share with each other and receive targeted expert guidance from the specialist to make changes in their relationships with accountability and support.
➡️The next entry point is weekly 1:1 couples therapy. Online sessions with an expert who will quickly help the couple identify the stuck points, understand the costs of remaining the same, providing healing where needed to improve interpersonal functioning, and practicing new skills with support and accountability.
➡️ A weekend intensive is the highest level of intervention. 14 hours of intense work. It may be used as a stand alone to help a couple gain clarity around their path forward. Or, it may be a launching pad for ongoing 1:1 work - getting an accelerated start on the journey. Because there's a lot of work to do and weekly sessions can feel like forever when you are stuck in the muck!
3. With all levels of care you will receive
✓a relationship diagnosis,
✓personalized assessments as appropriate,
✓new lenses through which to view your relationship,
✓real-time, direct feedback on relational connection skills,
✓concrete tools to keep your work focused and productive,
✓a workbook for future reference and journaling, and
priority scheduling for follow up support through our group or couples 1:1.
(Couples who have completed the weekend intensive will receive a 10% discount on follow up 1:1 sessions)
Or, in the case that reconciliation simply is not possible, people will have clarity and resolution to move forward with confidence and respect.
4. You will receive real-time feedback on how you are communicating, how it is being received, and how you are contributing to the hurts or health of the relationship.
5. You will be shown - very clearly - a better way. (The secret sauce of happy connected couples.)
I will not let you keep you spinning.
While you may go round and round on your own, I will stop this cycle.
When people come to me for help, my goal is to bring total clarity to the situation.
What is the dynamic?
What are the patterns?
What is the relational dance that happens between partners?
How are the partners impacting (or triggering) each other?
Rather than empowering individuals, as we often do in individual therapy, my intent is relational empowerment.
If one person tends to avoid, I will help them find their voice. If another person's approach causes the other to shut down, I will help that person find better ways of getting what they want.
And speaking of getting what you want...usually both partners come into therapy feeling that they are not getting what they want. "This is not what we agreed to when we met and fell in love."
No one ever said, "Oh please, take from me, boss me around, and take me for granted. I will love you and cherish you for the rest of my life." No, it was a mutual agreement "to love and to cherish" so that is what we will strive to restore.
Not every couple will succeed. There are no guarantees that you and your partner will have "happily ever after."
But isn't it worth every last bit of hope, time, and energy to see if it is still possible? At a minimum, you will walk away with clarity. No more second-guessing or wondering "what if we had sought quality help." Sometimes you can love someone enough to part ways with respect.
Services That Fit Your Needs, Your Schedule and Your Budget
Price Points to Meet Different Needs.
Couples
Group
Therapy
Couples
1:1
Therapy
Couples Weekend Intensive
Individual Therapy
Individual Client
Rosie is so easy to talk to. She has a natural ability to bring out what really matters so we can get right to the issue and deal with reality.
WHAT CLIENTS ARE SAYING
Couples Client
Rosie has a 'no nonsense' approach that really helped us see things in a different light, look at ourselves with new eyes, and make changes individually which made our relationship so much better.
Couples Client
Rosie has been able to point out things I didn't even realize about myself. I've learned to be more direct, ask for what I want and know that my voice isn't just worthy but critical in my relationship.